Northam Tries to Pardon Prisoners and Can’t Find Any Still in Prison

Empty Prison Cell

Governor Ralph Northam wanted to end his single term as Governor like most Democrats do – going on a pardoning spree letting murderers, rapists and other criminals free with an unaccountable last-minute pardon.  

Only one problem – the parole board let them all out!

A source close to the Governor said Northam was visibly frustrated and disappointed.  With the ending of the death penalty and the parole board’s self-described “drunk with power” releasing of any prisoner with a pulse, Governor Northam demanded a list of Virginians with speeding tickets so he could pardon someone.

Staff could not get a sufficient list of speeders for the Governor to pardon, because there was no speeding on I-95 due to a recent snow event.

There was even some research in finding people who were recently in court and found not guilty to see if the verdicts could be changed to guilty so the Governor could pardon them.  No luck.

As a result, pardons have been few and far between for this Governor who was astounded that so many Virginians thought Glenn Youngkin was actually governor.

As a result, Northam called a press conference to announce another COVID state of emergency that would last weeks after he leaves office.  “That’ll show ‘em” was apparently what the Governor said after issuing the order.

Youngkin’s response could not be included in this article because we couldn’t accurately spell the laughter.

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